Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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