I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize