Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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