her vagine was all disorganized.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
