I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
