just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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