I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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