The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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