My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
