Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize