Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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