CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
