thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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