sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
