member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
