does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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