You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
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this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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