At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
