Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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