I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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