i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
