Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
