She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
