you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
