We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
