We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
someone owes me an orgasm
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
