are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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