I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
