the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
