I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
