He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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