just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
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If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
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Vodka?
Forever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just high enough for therapy.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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