i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
