wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
