Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
