the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
