I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
