I want to stick my p in your. b.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
It was confusing and full of hummus
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
