as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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