if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
