Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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