omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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