you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
