You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
