Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
