I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
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You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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