that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
