I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
