You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
