1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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