My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize