Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
