One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
