yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize