I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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