i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
