y did u give ur computer a hand job?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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