I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
