i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
