laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
